Read time: 4 min
By Lucie Déry
How do you deal with the loss of a loved one who, by choice, has scheduled her own death?
For me, that indelible day came on November 29, 2024. My aunt Marielle, much more to me than an aunt, a true second mother who has knitted every fiber of my life, received medical assistance in dying (MAID) at the age of ninety-six. For this final journey, I felt a pressing need to be at her side, surrounded by some twenty members of our family and loved ones. Together, we were there to give her a last testimony of our deep love and our immense gratitude.
An unbreakable bond
To better understand the extent of the bond that united us, let me share with you a few fragments of our history. When I was in CEGEP in Montreal, Marielle welcomed me into her modest 3 1/2 room apartment, offering me refuge and the opportunity to work at the residence where she was a licensed practical nurse. For two consecutive summers I shared her daily life, a student experience that not only allowed me to finance my studies, but to live unforgettable moments with the elderly clients. And that is not all: an outstanding seamstress, she transformed our shopping trips for patterns and fabrics into creative sessions and had fun making me an entire wardrobe for the new school year. She was for me a shining example of generosity and dedication!
A few years later, my studies were over, and Marielle retired. That is when I began inviting her to join our special family outings. Best of all, she came to live at our home for an entire week while we were away, giving my two dear young children, then three and six years old, the experience of her kind and loving presence. I could thus leave home with my partner, with the peace of mind knowing my children were perfectly safe. These special moments allowed Marielle to forge permanent deep bonds with each of them.
Later, when my work brought me back to Montreal, we could continue to nurture our unbreakable bond. Marielle was a creative soul, a true benefactor to those around her. At the seniors’ residence where she lived, she transformed spaces by adding colour and decorations, showering attention on everyone, brightening the daily lives of the residents.
The Beginning of the End: The Ultimate Choice
Having gone through life with exemplary vitality, apart from a double mastectomy following breast cancer, when she was 96 Marielle fell and fractured her hip, thus sending her to the Marie-Clarac Rehabilitation Hospital . I visited her many times, often accompanied by one of my sons, who were also very attached to her. Just when she was regaining her strength, she fell a second time, this with the prospect of a major loss of autonomy – her worst nightmare. Unable to bring herself to leave her apartment and to see the autonomy so dearly acquired over decades vanish, she made a request for medical assistance in dying (MAID). Her condition was truly and inexorably deteriorating, and her request was granted.
Respecting her choice, but with deep sadness mixed with empathy, I took myself to Marie-Clarac last November. Some twenty members of her family and friends were also there, united in their desire to accompany her on this last journey.
In a room full of solemn dignity, Marielle was astonishingly lucid. In that special moment I was able to express, one last time, my love and deep gratitude for the woman she was and for her boundless generosity to me. The moment was extremely emotional, our hearts aching but united. We sang to her, our voices blending in a soft, heartrending harmony.
Just before the last moment, I had the incredible chance to share with her a moment that I will never forget, that is forever engraved in my heart. During this last exchange, she shared with me, with touching serenity, that she felt “a sense of unity and happiness” – words that would be her last. We prayed together (she was an Oblate), we laughed at our memories, wept over the imminent parting, and united our voices in song, like a last shared melody.
Love and tenderness enveloped the large room, lit not only by the light of day, but by the glow of the hearts of each person who had come to offer Marielle their final farewell.
It was a moment for me that I would describe as “sacred”. The privilege of being there, witnessing her last breath, allowed me to connect one last time with the very essence of a woman who inspired me so much, right up to her last goodbye.
As an epilogue to this profound experience, however, I must confess that a touch of pain accompanied this moment of grace: it was difficult for me to see life leave her body so quickly after the injection . In my heart I wanted this moment of communion to continue forever, as if suspended in time.
Yet, today, I am deeply convinced that Marielle has found peace and is enveloped in light. I treasure the experience in my heart, and she continues to accompany me in a different but equally powerful way.
Is love simply extinguished with death, or does it retain its full power, shining out beyond absence and continuing throughout eternity?